It's been a long time since I blogged. Almost three years! A lot has happened for me the last three years. So much really. I got married to Jon and we are going to soon celebrate our third wedding anniversary. I became a step mom to two beautiful girls and one year ago I was able to give birth to a precious little baby girl! Three years ago I took a leap of faith with Jon and I am so grateful everyday for the life I am living now.
Jon is an amazing man. He loves me despite all my flaws, worries, and crazy moments. He has brought me so much happiness. In May of last year we welcomed our daughter into the world. I had no idea that Heavenly Father had that blessing awaiting me. I am so grateful to be her mother and often look at her with awe and thankfulness. It has been so fun being a mom to her this year! My heart is happy.
Four years ago I said goodbye to my first husband and son. Those moments were excruciating. I actually try not to think about those moments or reflect on them too deeply because they mostly bring me sadness and a longing that can not be filled. I try to reflect on why they might have been called home so early, what they are doing, and if they are proud of me.
Jace would be finishing first grade this year. He would be turning 7 in June. The ache in my heart for my son is so strong and some times debilitating. I wish I could hold him one more time.
Sheldon and I had so many dreams together and we spent nine and half years trying to reach them. I was able to watch Sheldon grow up into a man. I was only 21 and Sheldon was 22 when we got married. We were so young and it was fun deciding our future together. It was amazing watching him go through his schooling and become an optometrist. We had many unfinished dreams, but also realized so many together. I am grateful for every single memory.
In starting this blog, I really wanted to focus on happiness and what it truly means. After all, this is called the great plan of happiness, right? So how do we find it when we have so much sadness and sorrow in life? How do we find the silver lining? The day that Sheldon and Jace died, my son taught me a powerful lesson. It was my birthday, and we had cupcakes in our house. He asked for one for breakfast. I at first thought no, and then I decided YES! We sat and ate cupcakes together. I didn't know that would be the last thing my sweet boy would eat and how much joy it would bring him. I am so grateful for that moment of joy we shared together. I want to always be able to live my life with that simple happiness that we had at that moment. Thank you Jace for teaching your mommy that it's okay to stop and be happy. It's okay to eat cupcakes for breakfast!
